They had been Cooking

Once we got into her apartment, she apologized for the smell because they have been cooking. Her friend, Amra, was there to help her mom cook. Amra and her mom were really happy to see us. They both said, “Welcome!” Her mom joined us in the living room. “I don’t speak English.” She turned on the TV and flipped to CNN. Arna said her mom was thinking of tuning to BBC for us, but Arna told her, for us, it would be CNN. Too bad my CNN crush, Jake Tapper wasn’t on. They both don’t like Trump.

Arna set the table for coffee and started boiling water. She offered Kenric beer. She’s not sure if she has it, but she’ll look because she sometimes buys beer just in case her guests want it. We said water was fine. She invited us to watch her make Bosnian coffee in the kitchen. When Kenric saw the pot she was using to boil water on the stove, he said, “My mom has this pot, and my grandma also has this pot!” She was very surprised and amused, “Yes, this is from America a long time ago.” Bosnian coffee is prepared slightly differently from Turkish coffee, and we both like Bosnian coffee better.

I asked Arna if it was OK if I took a picture of you-know-who with the coffee. She said, “Of course!”, and started to tell her mom and Amra what it was all about. Once I let the cats out of the bag, they were both very amused. Her mom hugged them lovingly. They brought out a talking Dora the Explorer, that’s “talking in our local language”.

A More Modest Family

(Not trying to blow our own horns here.) Arna had told them how friendly Kenric and I were yesterday. She was very glad that we got four bottles of juice, including one for her and one for Fariz the driver when we made a pit stop. She thought it was a nice that we got picnic items for all four of us, and ate lunch together. At one point, she had Fariz pull over so that she could get out to give two old ladies a bar of chocolate and some newspapers she was reading. We said she should give the picnic leftovers to them too. She said, “If you don’t mind, I have a more modest family I can give it to.”

Later, she stopped by a returnee’s farm to buy some peppers and tomatoes as a way of supporting their small farm, and also to let us see the current living situation of those affected by the war. This returnee was forced to leave during the war, and returned only a few years ago. Arna confirmed that we were really sure we wanted to give the picnic stuff to the family. The little boy showed us their two-month old calf and their little herd of sheep, but he was most proud of his cat. Of course I had to give the little cat lover all the cat treats we have! More on the farm some other time. These were the reasons, Arna said, that made her invite us into her home. (Again, not trying to blow our own horns.)

Her Mom and Amra Started to Sing

Her mom and Amra were in high spirits and started to sing. The first song was a Bosnian folk love song. It sounded beautiful. Then, her mom started singing a Russian song in a very assertive voice just to mess with us. Arna (our guide), convinced Amra (her friend) to sing a few English melodies, aka, a few English words here and there with the rest of it filled in with melodious humming. She used Arna mom’s crutch as the microphone. We were laughing so hard that the only song we could remember she “sang” was “Hey Jude, don’t make it baaaa…..dah dah dah dah………Remember to let her dah dah…….to make it better.” It’s just like when my uncle sings English songs at Karaoke.

Arna said after the war, people had to find ways to go on and make themselves happy, and that was Amra’s way. Catching on to what was being said, Amra said, (translated), “With the war, who knows if we are not really crazy now.”

Amra got a call. Her son is picking her up. “It is still early but it’s better that she goes home now because where she lives, up on the hill, the bus runs only once every few hours. The infrastructure still hasn’t fully recovered”.

He Didn’t Ask Her for Her Ethnicity

Arna reminded us that yesterday, she told us that efforts to reconcile have been difficult because of denials among the Serbs, but she also wants to tell us about some small progress. Amra’s son, who is a Bosniak is married to a Serb-Croat. When he first met her, he didn’t want to ask for her ethnicity. He just knew he loved her. Arna mentioned a few other couples that intermarried, and that gave her hope, just as schoolchildren who just want to play with their friends in integrated schools give her hope.

Amra kissed both of our cheeks. As she was walking out, I decided to give her our four pieces of Zhandar Baklava. They all burst into excited laughter. It turns out, they usually trade gifts like fruits and vegetables. Just as Arna’s mom was teasing Amra that there’s nothing for her to take home tonight, I offered up the baklava.

I Thought We Were Here For Coffee

I Can’t Take Him Anywhere

Arna showed us old pictures of her grandfather who was the chauffeur for the American Ambassador at that time. Her grandfather was the first Bosniak to have a driver’s license, and also the first to have a camera. He was a learned man and brought home books from places he visited. He taught his children well in the arts and music, but when WWII broke out, Arna’s mom, aunts and uncles didn’t get to continue their lessons.

Referring to her mom, Arna said, “Two wars are too much for one life.” Her mom added that during the Bosnian War, they had no water and electricity for four years (1992 – 1995). Arna also showed us an old Yugoslavian bill that was worth a lot. “With this, you could buy one cow.” Her grandfather’s book collection that was donated to the museum was destroyed when the museum burned during the war. “So many things happened. So many things destroyed.” When their things were stolen during the war, they didn’t get angry because “maybe the other person really need it.”

Ruta, for Good Luck

Her mom reminded her to go pluck two sprigs of an herb called “Ruta” from the balcony for us. It’s for good luck especially during our travels. We talked about many other things, the California wildfires, Trump, her work with NGOs and in promoting tourism. The general themes were how fragile the “cold peace” is; how reconciliation requires a lot of hard work; how her mom refuses to hate the aggressors because she has relatives on the other side; and how even though her small acts of giving a bar of chocolate to the old ladies, or bread to the family will not change their lives, it still makes the day a little better. She gave us a few tomatoes and the rest of the halva, and changed our lives.

Edit: She also showed us a photo of her deceased father who fought for the Bosnian Federation side. He survived the war.